By Indy Senior Advisor Care Team · October 19, 2026
A weekend visit shows what phone calls hide. Here is what to look at in the kitchen, the medicine cabinet, the mail and the stairs, and who to call in Indianapolis once you are back home.
Why a visit tells you more than a phone call
Phone calls are managed performances. Your mother has had all week to rehearse the answer to how are you doing, and she knows exactly which parts of the house you will never see from a screen. A weekend in her kitchen is different. You see the mail, the refrigerator, the pill organizer, the stairs and the way she gets out of a chair.
This guide is for the adult child who lives somewhere else and is flying or driving into Indianapolis for a few days. It is also for the one who lives forty minutes away in Fishers and only drops in for an hour. The goal is not to diagnose anything. It is to come home with notes you can act on, instead of a vague bad feeling.
Nothing here replaces a medical evaluation. If you see something alarming, such as confusion about where she is or injuries she cannot explain, treat it as urgent and call her doctor. The rest of this post is about the slow signs, the ones that are easy to miss because they build over months.
The first fifteen minutes: look, do not ask
Before you unpack, notice what greets you. Is the house warm enough? Are there stacks of unopened mail, or several of the same bill? Is the trash overflowing, or is there almost no trash at all, which can mean she has stopped cooking? Are there dents or scrapes on the car, or on the garage door frame?
Look at her, too. Has she lost weight? Do her clothes fit? Is she wearing the same outfit you saw in photos two visits ago? Weight loss and a change in grooming are among the most common things families mention after the fact.
Hold off on questions for the first day. People who feel inspected hide things. Offer to cook dinner instead, which gets you into the refrigerator and pantry without a word of accusation.
The kitchen test
Open the refrigerator and look at dates. Expired milk, a drawer of spoiled produce or several containers of the same leftovers suggest shopping and meal habits have slipped. Look for the opposite problem too: a pantry full of duplicates can mean she is buying the same items repeatedly because she forgot she already had them.
Check the stove and microwave for scorch marks. Check whether the smoke detector chirps, or has had its battery removed because of nuisance alarms. Ask her to make you a cup of tea and watch the steps, not the result. Does she lose the thread halfway through?
If meals are the problem, you do not need a move. CICOA's Resource Center is the Area Agency on Aging for Marion, Hamilton, Hendricks, Johnson, Boone and Hancock counties, and its main line is 317-254-5465 (the Resource Center line is 317-803-6131). Its services include information and referral and nutrition programs. Start there before assuming the answer is a community.
Pills, paperwork and the checkbook
Ask to see how she takes her medications. A weekly pill organizer that is full on Thursday means missed doses. One that is empty on Monday morning means she may be taking too many. Count the pharmacy bottles and note the names of every prescribing doctor. You are building a list, not criticizing.
Then look at money. With her permission, sit with her for the mail. Late notices, unfamiliar charities, sweepstakes letters and checks written for odd amounts are all warning signs. Exploitation of older adults often starts with a friendly phone call and a small request.
If you suspect someone is taking advantage of her, know that Indiana is a mandatory-reporting state for suspected neglect, battery or exploitation of an endangered adult. The statewide Adult Protective Services line is 1-800-992-6978. Call 911 instead if she is in immediate danger. Our guide to which number to call explains the difference.
This is also the weekend to find out whether she has signed a power of attorney and a health care representative form. If she has not, read what Indiana law lets you do without one. It is much easier to get a signature while she is well than after a crisis.
The house: falls waiting to happen
Walk the route she takes at night, from bed to bathroom. Look for loose rugs, cords, poor lighting and a bathroom with no grab bar. Notice whether she holds the wall, the furniture or the counter as she moves. Furniture-walking is a sign her balance has changed.
Watch her stand up from the sofa. If she needs both hands and a second try, that matters. Look at stairs, especially if the laundry is in the basement or the bedroom is up a flight. In older Indianapolis neighborhoods that is common. Our posts on Irvington's housing and Eagledale's ranch homes go through what each style of house asks of an aging body.
If she mentions a fall casually, or has bruises she cannot explain, take it seriously. Our page on what to do after a fall covers the next steps, and her primary care doctor should hear about it this week.
Memory: what is normal and what is not
Everyone forgets a name. The pattern to watch is repetition and loss of function. Does she ask the same question three times in an hour? Does she get lost on a drive she has made for thirty years? Has she stopped doing something she loved, like bridge or church, because it became too hard to follow?
Do not quiz her. Instead, join her routine. Go to the grocery store together. Let her pay. Ride along on a familiar errand. Memory changes often show up in these ordinary tasks long before they show up in conversation.
If you see these signs, ask her doctor for a cognitive evaluation. Our page on what comes after a dementia diagnosis is there when you need it. If a parent has ever wandered, read about Indiana's Silver Alert before you need it. And if memory care ever becomes the question, Indiana requires a written Alzheimer's and dementia special care disclosure rather than a separate state certification, which we explain in this guide.
Do the cost math before the family meeting
Many families jump straight from she is slipping to she needs a community. Sometimes that is right. Often there is a middle step. Before the family meeting, put real numbers on the table.
The 2025 CareScout Cost of Care Survey, formerly Genworth, reports an Indiana median of $5,639 a month for a private one-bedroom in assisted living, and $35 an hour for non-medical home care. At $35 an hour, 40 hours a week works out to roughly $6,067 a month. That is already above the assisted living median. Fewer hours may be much cheaper, and that is the point of doing the math. See the in-home care math for Marion County for the longer version.
CareScout publishes state medians only. No published figure exists for Indianapolis specifically, and none exists for memory care as a category, so any local number you hear should be a written quote from a specific provider. Our cost overview shows what each type of care includes.
What to bring home, and who to call Monday
Before you leave, write down what you saw while it is fresh: three things that worried you, three that reassured you, and one thing you want to try first. Take photos of pill bottles, the doctor list and the insurance cards, with her permission.
Then pick one small next step. Call CICOA and ask about in-home help. Book the doctor visit. Sign the legal forms. An outside voice, whether a doctor, a CICOA coordinator or a friend, often lands better than the same words from a child.
If you live far away, our long-distance caregiving guide covers how to build a local team. The visit is not the decision. It is the first honest data point. Give yourself a few days, share your notes with your siblings, and move on the one thing that cannot wait.
